It’s another one of those nights when I just don’t want to do anything. All day long I’ve been lying in my bed with my laptop on my lap trying to write my stupid practice report. As I expected I didn’t have much luck and I got bored very fast. A few hours ago a thunder was announcing a great summer storm, but of course I was wrong...it would have been too damn interesting...
I just hate to have so damn much free time and no idea what so ever what to do with it. Of course I have some things I can do, like my practice report, my dissertation paper...but I just keep on ignoring them. I need something else.
There’s nothing serious on the TV, so my mind starts wondering again, I began to struggle with these stupid feelings...and here I am once again, writing all the bullshit going through my head.
My last “revelation” was about the fact that the human brain has this unique and idiot ability to storage the bad memories with a greater efficiency then the good, happy ones. I don’t know how you feel about this subject but when I’m looking back only the bad memories come into my mine...I cannot say that I had a happy life lately, but there were some great moments too. But why remember the good stuff when there are so many juicy memories that turn out to be such interesting nightmares, right???...my point exactly. It’s so amazing how we can deliberately hurt ourselves from the inside out. Feelings are a powerful weapon and you first have to get hurt to learn that.
So many times we blame others for the tears and suffering we are going through, but it’s not their fault that their actions affect us that way. People are evil and we live in a cruel world. You just have to understand that you are the most important person in your live and there is no other person or thing in the world worth consuming yourself over it. You have to learn to control your feelings better and to focus more on your own person. Nobody loves you more than you do. You can be your best frien or your worst enemy. This may seem selfish, but it’s so damn true.
Hope that’s all for tonight:)
Love u. Take care.
if any consolation, boredom was in the air today -unless you wanted to see same discovery documentaries for the third time this year
ReplyDeleteIf you take a bad memory and if you play with it you can change it;s intensity to be more or less disturbing. For example if you can transform a bad memory to be in B&W and to shrink it's size (sounds strange but you can do this), this bad , strange, memory of an event will become something that will not cause you to feel bad feelings or bad moods. Same you can do with happy, beutifull memories. Try to enlarge them, tranform in very vivid colours and try to imagine them as it are in motion. See how this small exercise can affect your current mood and everytime you tryn' to acces those "modified" memories.
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